Cyclops and the Beanstalk
by Daniel Fielder
Summary: When a famine hits the home of a group of friends, Scott, Kurt, and Jimmy, they stumble upon magic beans that lead them to an amazing land.
1. My What a Happy Day

Something I couldn't resist writing.

Disclaimer: Mickey and the Beanstalk belongs to Walt Disney, and the X-Men and any other Marvel character I use belongs to Marvel Comics, 20th century Fox, and Stan Lee.

* * *

 **Cyclops and the Beanstalk**

Chapter 1: My What a Happy Day

Scott was putting his daughter Rachel to bed with his best friend Kurt Wagner as he was putting his own daughter, Arcane to bed as their wives Jean and Wanda were about to leave.

"Now boys, for once get them to sleep by their bedtime." Jean said with a smile.

"Good night sweeties." Wanda said as she blew both children a kiss.

"Good night Aunt Wanda." Rachel said.

"Good night Mommy." Arcane said.

"Now go to sleep kiddo." Scott said.

"Could you tell me and Arcane a story, Daddy?" Rachel asked.

"Well, I guess one wouldn't hurt." Scott answered.

"Yay!" Rachel called out. "Isn't that cool Unca Kurt?"

"Vell…" Kurt said. "Uh… No."

"This is a story everyone should hear." Scott said.

"Yeah, but not everyone should tell it, and you know who." Kurt said.

"Well I'm gonna tell it anyway." Scott said.

"Alright, suit yourself." Kurt said with a sigh.

"Now, once upon a time there was a place called Happy Valley." Scott began. "It was called Happy Valley because everyone who lived there was happy."

"That makes sense." Kurt said with a smile.

"Okay kids, now close your eyes and tell me if you can picture it." Scott said.

"I think I can." Rachel said.

"Me too." Arcane added.

"It's all nice and green with a lot of hills." Rachel said.

()()()()()

Happy Valley was often called Nature's garden spots, nestled among green rolling hills. A lovely brook, the laughing brook, flowed through the valley. Winding roads connected the valley with stately trees lining them. They also connected the lush fields and prosperous farms that dotted the landscape, and on a hill top over-looking the valley and shining like a jewel stood a magnificent castle, and two precious princesses lived in the castle. One was the fair maiden Wanda Maximoff who made fair rules and kept the country clean. Her fellow princess, Jean Grey, kept the country bright, cheerful, and happy with her beautiful singing voice. Men, women, and children came from all over the world, feeding the country's trade, just to hear her beautiful voice.

 _My… What a happy day._

 _What a sunny sky._

 _Kinda make you sigh_

 _In a happy way._

 _What a very merry day…_

 _All the world is gay._

 _When your cares are light._

 _And your heart takes flight._

 _And you're swept away._

 _The air is sweet with clover._

 _The clouds are turning over._

 _Oh yes they're turning over_

 _Just to show their silver lining._

 _My what a happy day…_

 _Never knew such bliss._

 _Never read of this in a book or play!_

 _What a lovely day!_

 _What a great big gorgeous, sumptuous, thumping, bumptious, hum-galumptious, simply scrumptious!_

 _My what a happy day!_

When Jean would sing, all the farmers would join in as well, and their work got twenty times quicker.

 _My what a happy day…_

 _Never knew such bliss._

 _Never read of this in a book or play!_

 _What a lovely day!_

 _What a great big gorgeous, sumptuous, thumping, bumptious, hum-galumptious, simply scrumptious!_

 _Oh me, oh my, what a happy day!_

The voice of Jean cast a magic spell of joy and prosperity throughout the land, but it was too good to last, for one day a mysterious shadow crept over the valley and something dreadful happened.

()()()()()

Jean and Wanda were talking. They weren't biologically sisters, but they had been raised in the same home for so long that they couldn't have been closer if they were. When they sky got surprisingly dark, Jean and Wanda both screamed and tried to run, but they were caught when the creature who had caused the darkness grabbed them, and they knew no more for a long time.

()()()()()

When the shadow lifted, Jean and her sister were gone. No longer was the valley happy, for without the magic of Jean's voice and Wanda's wise guidance, all was misery… Misery… Misery.

The grass fields and trees all became a depressing reddish color as the desolation spread throughout the land and everything dried up. The fields of corn turned to dust almost before you could say kerplop. The Laughing Brook flowed no more, and what little water remained fell down the cracks that appeared in the river bed.

To think that this land was once happy valley, and now it was little better than gruesome gulch.

Days passed. Then weeks passed. Then months passed.

()()()()()

A group of humble peasants, three orphaned boys, were hit the hardest. All they had was a cow who had dried up with the Laughing Brook. The three boys were all that were left of three proud families who had tilled the land together. Among them were Scott Summers, his best friend Kurt Wagner, and their other closest friend, Jimmy Hudson. The house was so much to handle for the three boys that it was in a derelict state with one of the doors having fallen off very recently. The three poor farmers sat at the dinner table as they were on the edge of starving to death. By some combination of miracles and careful planning, the three were still alive, still breathing, and sharing a pitiful crust of bread between them. Scott made as thin cuts with his knife as he could to save the last loaf of bread they had for as long as they could.

Were their spirits broken? Did they lose hope? Yes. The three teenagers were facing famine and were left only with beans… Well _a_ bean by now. One bean to split between three people. Scott cut it as thinly as possible until there were three semi-thin bean slices that barely made the bread bulge. The only bright side anyone could have found was that at least the bean didn't have any bones. Jimmy, though still fit thanks to his family's healing factor, had become gaunt from lack of food, becoming a bag of bone and weakening muscles. A true picture of despair, but Jimmy never whimpered. Jimmy never gave up.

"SHUT UP!" Jimmy called out. "I CAN'T STAND IT!"

Jimmy then grabbed as many plats as he could and attempted to eat them like a sandwich before Scott and Kurt grabbed him and pulled the dishes away.

"Okay Jimmy, easy now." Scott said as Kurt and Scott rubbed his back in an attempt to calm him. "Easy now."

"Don't worry guys." Jimmy said with a heavy sigh as he breathed hard from the rush of adrenaline. "Yeah… I'll be alright. I'll be alright."

Jimmy said he'd be alright, but Scott wondered. Jimmy had suffered too much. Kurt, knowing how Jimmy got when he was riled wondered what plan was forming in the mind of the desperate Jimmy.

Jimmy meanwhile saw the axe they had used to chop down wood and got a sinister smile on his face as he slipped away and grabbed it.

"JIMMY NO!" Scott called out in alarm when he saw the empty space where the axe usually hung.

()()()()()

"Here cowsie-wowsie." Jimmy said in a raspy, demented voice as he approached the cow. "Nice old cowsie-wowsie."

"Jimmy!" Scott called out as Jimmy suddenly shouted out and lunged at the cow with the axe. The cow mooed in alarm and jumped onto a tree as Scott pulled the axe out of Jimmy's hand, and he then began extended the three bone claws he had in each fist and began chewing on the tail before Kurt and Scott grabbed Jimmy and held him down.

"But guys…" Jimmy panted as he began to come back to his senses. "I've just gotta eat. I'm so… Hungry."

Kurt and Scott helped Jimmy into the house where he rested on the couch.

* * *

Aw, poor Jimmy.


	2. Beans

Chapter 2: Beans

Scott was holding Kurt down to demonstrate the story as the children giggled.

"Poor Jimmy was completely out of his head." Scott said. "It was a pitiful sight to see Jimmy deteriorate after weeks without food. Poor Jimmy."

"Poor me." Kurt said after Scott let go.

"It was all they could do to restrain him." Scott said. "Poor Jimmy had just about reached the end of his rope. They were definitely in a sorry predicament."

"Jimmy may have gone nuts, but he had the right idea." Kurt said. "Kill the cow."

"Oh no, Unca Kurt!" Rachel shouted. "The cow was your best friend."

"Well a friend in need is a friend indeed." Kurt said.

"So what?" Scott asked.

"So, they need some steak." Kurt said plainly.

"No!" Arcane whined. "If you kill the cow, I'm not gonna listen to the story."

"Relax hon, I was just teasing." Kurt said.

"You always did have a morbid sense of humor." Scott said with a smile. "Anyway, they eventually decided to sell the cow."

()()()()()

Things began to look much brighter for the boys after Scott went to a village to sell the cow. The thought of prosperity after going so long without it brought a smile to Kurt and Jimmy's faces.

"Hey look!" Kurt called out as he and Kell acted out all the food they would eat after Scott returned with the money.

 _Turkey, lobster, sweet potato pie!_

 _Pancakes piled up 'til they reach the sky._

Jimmy hummed along as his high spirits had helped get him back to normal.

 _Oh… I wanna eat and eat and eat and eat_

 _And eat until I die._

 _Turkey, lobster, sweet potato pie!_

 _Pancakes piled up 'til they reach the sky._

 _Lots of starches._

 _Lots of greens._

 _Fancy chocolate covered-_

"Beans!" Scott called out as he held up a dingy yellow box.

"What do you mean beans?" Kurt asked.

"I sold the cow for some magic beans." Scott said.

"Beans?!" Jimmy called out angrily. "We were better off than that a month ago!"

"But Jimmy, these aren't ordinary beans." Scott insisted. "They're magic beans. If you plant these beans in the light of a full moon, do you know what'll happen?"

"Yes, we'll get more beans!" Jimmy said testily as he grabbed the box and threw it in a corner as the four beans fell into a hole there. "Magic beans! Humbug!"

()()()()()

Later that night, Scott rested in one of the cots in his, Jimmy, and Kurt's room. How could he have been so stupid?

 _Magic beans. Light of a full moon._ Scott thought angrily. _How could I have fallen for that? Maybe I'll wake up in the morning to find the whole disaster was a dream._

Scott then went to bed having given up his ration for his foolishness.

()()()()()

But it wasn't as foolish as Scott thought as the night's full moon shone on the very spot the beans had fallen in through a nearby window. A small green stalk popped out of the hole and began to twist around. It then grew through two small holes into the boys' room and went close to Kurt's mouth as it went onward. It then went past Scott's bed, taking his blanket with him and leaving behind a leaf that caught on Scott's foot. It then went up to the top bunk where Jimmy slept and tickled his bare feet with its vines.

The beanstalk then burst out of the doors and windows of the house until it lifted the whole thing up. As it continued to grow, the house crumbled, leaving only the three boys. Scott ended up spending the rest of his sleep on a large leaf. Jimmy ended up protected by a large vine coil he ended up falling into. Kurt rested on a large vine face down.

And all through the night it continued to grow onward and upward.

* * *

Kurt: That beanstalk was a menace to aviation.

Rachel: What's aviation?

Scott: Airplanes.

Rachel: Oh.

Me: I love this story.


	3. On Top of the Beanstalk

Chapter 3: On Top of the Beanstalk

At dawn, Scott, Kurt, and Jimmy woke up to find themselves on top of a giant bean stalk starring up at a huge castle sitting on what appeared to be a floating island hidden by clouds.

"Hey, I was right." Scott said with a smile.

"Yeah you were." Jimmy said. "Look Clark, I'm sorry."

"It's alright." Scott said. "It's not like this happens every day. Let's get those outfits we made for Halloween last year to investigate.

"Cool." Kurt said. Kurt put on a black outfit with a red V-stripe on the side and white gloves and boots. Scott put on a blue outfit with yellow gloves and boots along with a ruby-quartz visor. Jimmy pulled on a similar outfit to Clark's, but brown and orange.

They then headed out and wondered who lived there. Man or monster? Friend or foe? A princess or a dragon?

They all knew one thing. Three things drew the three boys to the castle. Hunger, desperation, and a love of adventure.

It was a fantastic experience as there were caterpillars as big as dogs and butterflies as large as eagles.

"Wouldn't it be amazing if mortal man never set foot here before?" Scott asked.

"Well somebody did." Jimmy said as Kurt fell into a large foot print.

"Oh man." Kurt said as he got out. "Who made zose?"

"Well it wasn't Cinderella." Jimmy said calmly. Hopefully it was something friendly.

Soon they arrived at a moat that surrounded the castle, so they took a peapod and made it into a boat as the three took some willows and rowed towards the castle.

Then suddenly without warning up in the sky dragon flies the size of fighter planes arrived.

"Gee!" Scott called out. "What whoppers."

"No kidding." Jimmy said. "Hey, I got an idea! Hey, long noise! Over here!"

"Jimmy!" Kurt began before the dragon fly dove in, and all three boys ended up right at the steps of the castle. "Smart thinking."

"Okay, how are we gonna climb these steps?" Scott asked.

"How about you hang on to me as I teleport up one step at a time."

Everyone agreed to this and began to slowly make their way up the stairs. This was the most exciting part of their journey so far. Forgotten was their hunger. Forgotten was their fear. The young boys never faltered and eventually made it to the top step.

They then wondered two things, what mystery lay behind the cold walls of the castle, and what dark spell hovered over this gloomy place.

Scott then went up and knocked on the door, but no one came. They wondered if they should go in, but eventually they decided to risk it. They walked in and found themselves in an enormous entry hall, easily twenty times as big as any normal room. It was also as silent as a tomb. Kurt was the last to go through and ended up having to spend a few moments putting his pants back on.

"Ha!" Jimmy called out. "Caught with your pants-"

"Jimmy." Scott said quietly.

"Caught with your pants-"

"Jimmy!" Scott said again as Jimmy pulled his pants back on.

"Well his underwear was showing." Jimmy said finally as they walked around.

In an enormous dining room, they looked up to see an enormous pile of food.

"FOOD!" Jimmy called out in joy. "Let me at it!"

They then ran up the winding carving on a table leg and began eating whatever they could find. Kurt began eating peas the size of basket balls and moved to Jell-O that he could swim through. Kurt then crashed into a thing of walnuts as he came out.

"Who's there?" A very familiar voiced asked from a chest.

As she said that, a brown-haired girl, who wore a maid's outfit, walked out.

"Is anyone here?" The girl asked.

"That's Princess Jean's voice!" Scott called out. "And that maid's Princess Wanda!"

"Yahoo!" Jimmy called out.

"How'd you two get here?" Scott asked as he looked in through the keyhole and saw Jean's lovely green eyes and red hair.

"Wanda and I were kidnapped by a wicked giant." Jean said.

"Oh." Scott said before it sunk in. "A giant?!"

"A giant?!" Jimmy cried out.

"A giant?!" Kurt called out.

"A giant." Jean confirmed.

* * *

Well… Things look bad, don't they?


	4. The Giant

Chapter 4: The Giant

"A giant?!" Rachel asked in alarm.

"A giant?!" Arcane asked in the same voice.

"A giant." Kurt said as he nodded his head.

"Bigger than forty men." Scott said.

"Wow." Arcane said.

"A giant that had the power to turn himself into anything, man or beast." Scott said.

"Wow." Rachel said.

"It was the giant that kidnapped the princesses and brought ruin to Happy Valley." Scott explained.

"But why did the giant want to kidnap the princesses?" Rachel asked.

"Because he was cruel and selfish." Scott explained. "He didn't care what happened to the valley. He just wanted someone to sing him to sleep and keep house for him."

"Couldn't he have just done it himself?" Arcane asked.

"You see hon, when you're cruel and selfish, you don't like doing a lot of things for yourself." Kurt explained.

"Oh." Arcane said.

"Well anyway, back to the story." Scott said.

()()()()()

Just after learning about the giant, they heard a loud booming voice say…

"Fee! Fi! Fo! Fum! Fee fi fo fum!"

The giant, an obese man in a black jump suit arrived bouncing a large ball.

 _Fee fi fo fum!_

 _Hee hi ho hum!_

 _I'm a most amazing guy!_

 _A most amazing guy am I!_

 _Fee fi fo fum!_

 _Hee hi ho hum!_

 _I'm stuff I'm telling you,_

 _For here's what I can do!_

 _I can change myself into an elf._

 _Fly up high like a birdie._

 _I can disappear into atmosphere._

' _Cause I know the magic wordies._

 _Fi fo fee foy!_

 _Fee fee-fee fee._

"Fi-Fi?" The giant asked after a minute. "I don't know no Fi-Fi."

He thought for a moment.

"Fee fi fo fum." The giant said. "I smell…"

The three boys hid as Wanda got close to the chest, and the giant grabbed a large pot and smiled.

"Pot roast!" The giant called out happily. "Chocolate pot roast. With pestachimo, with pestachi- with pista- With green gravy."

The giant then made himself a sandwich with some cheese Kurt was hiding behind, some lettuce Jimmy was hiding in, and a large chicken leg, which Scott ended up being put into. He then poured some pepper on the sandwich which caused Scott to sneeze and cause his head to poke out.

"Um… Hi." Scott said nervously before he rushed off.

"Oh no you don't!" The giant called out. "You can't get away from Fred Dukes!"

Fred then grabbed Scott.

"I've got ya!" Fred said as he didn't hear anything. "I think I got ya."

Fred then looked inside his fist.

"Yeah, I got ya." Fred said.

"Freddie…" Scott said with a smile as he gestured Fred to look.

"What is it?" Fred asked. "What is it?"

Fred opened his hand as Scott walked on his life line.

"Ten, twenty, thirty, forty." Scott counted. "Boy what a lifeline."

"Well what's this here?" Fred asked as he pointed at a spot on his lower palm.

"Oh, I can't believe it!" Scott said in mocked surprise.

"Is it bad?" Fred asked.

"Well it says here that you can change yourself into anything." Fred said.

"Sure!" Fred said with a wide smile. "You wanna see me? I can change myself into the darndest things! Go on, give me something. Anything."

"Anything?" Scott asked.

Anything." Fred answered. Scott then looked around and saw a flyswatter. This gave him an idea.

"Can you change into a fly?" Scott asked.

"A cute teeny-weeny, itsy-bitsy house fly?" Fred asked.

"That's it." Scott said. "A house fly."

"Ah, you don't want a fly." Fred said. "How about a bunny with long pink ears?"

"Well of course if you can't do a fly then-" Scott said before Fred conceded.

"Alright, a fly." Fred said. "Why?"

"Well uh… Because." Scott said.

"Alright." Fred said. "A teeny-weeny fly. With pink wings. Now for the magic wordies! Fee fi fo fum! Hee hi ho hum!"

While Fred was doing this, Scott called Kurt and Jimmy out of hiding and prepared to use the flyswatter on the giant when he instead turned into a huge pink rabbit.

"You sure you don't want a pink bunny?" Fred asked before he noticed what they were holding. "Hey, what is this?! You think you'd fool me?"

Fred then grabbed the three, opened the chest, pulled out Jean, and dropped the boys in, but Scott managed to get out of the giants grasp unnoticed and hold onto the chest as it was put on a high up shelf.

Things looked pretty dark for the prisoners as Fred locked the chest as Scott climbed up and prepared to try and get the key as Fred dropped it in his pocket. Jean then smiled and began singing a soft soothing song to get Fred to sleep.

 _In my favorite dreams,_

 _Everyone is so delightful._

 _No one's mean or spiteful._

 _In my favorite dreams._

Jean then waved for Scott to move forward as Fred got drowsy.

 _Yes, and in my favorite dreams,_

 _There my heart can go romancing._

 _Dancing to a heavenly theme._

 _But there's something else I look forward to._

 _It's a secret, but here's a clue._

 _He's my favorite you-know-who._

 _He's the hero of my most favorite dreams._

Scott then took a threading needle and stuck it on the floor of the self. He then used a twine he'd brought with him to go slowly down to the giant to get the key to free his friends and escape with Jean and Wanda.

As Fred began to fall asleep, Scott landed on his shoulder and began to walk down.

" _In his right breast pocket, you'll find the key._ " Jean sang, helping Scott out, and Scott nodded and began making his way to Fred's right breast pocket. " _The right breast pocket. Go carefully._ "

Jean then gasped when Scott fell in, but Scott was alright and was about to pull the key out when it got caught on a snuff box, so Scott had to give an almighty tug to free it, and that caused the whole thing of snuff to be released, and Scott let out a huge sneeze.

This woke Fred up, and he yelled, "I'll smash- AHCHOO!"

Fred then slammed his pocket and looked inside but no one was there.

"Huh." Fred said. "Nightmare."

He then went back to sleep as Scott climbed back up the thread and made it to the shelf with the key, barely.

()()()()()

"He made it!" Jimmy called out from the chest as he watched the whole thing from the key hole.

"He did?" Kurt asked. "Great. Here he comes vith ze key."

"Let me have it, Scott!" Jimmy called out and accidentally got knocked in the mouth by the key.

Scott then freed the two.

()()()()()

Things looked bright for the five teenagers as they left with Jean and Wanda, but Scott wasn't really to take chances. He tied Fred's shoes together in case he woke up, which he did. Scott then finished tying the shoes and rushed off with his friends. While his friends rushed off to the beanstalk, Scott used a wine bottle cork to toss him to the beanstalk as his friends already managed to get there, and they were closely followed by Fred. The five then hurried down the beanstalk as Kurt and Scott grabbed a saw and began cutting the beanstalk down as Jimmy moved the girls as far away as possible. As Fred was halfway down, the beanstalk was finally cut in two, and Fred fell, screaming his head off. He smashed into the ground leaving a large indent on the ground, killing himself in the process.

"Thank you." Jean said to the boys, but particularly to Scott.

"You were all very brave." Wanda added.

So with the princesses' return, happiness returned to Happy Valley, and the spot where Karlo fell became a grassy hill that remained a preservation in honor of the three young heroes. Jimmy moved into the village while Kurt and Scott ended up staying and marrying Jean and Wanda, and they all lived happily ever after.

()()()()()

Rachel cheered as she clapped her hands.

"Tell another one Daddy." Rachel said eagerly.

"Sorry kiddo, but your mom will kill me if I don't put you to sleep." Scott said. "Alright dear?"

"Okay." Rachel said as he went to sleep.

"Night night." Arcane said as Kurt and Scott left as Wanda and Jean smiled and talked about their adventure together.

* * *

Fred: Hey, has anyone seen a guy with red sunglasses dressed in navy blue?

Me: No, I uh… (I pass out.)

Jenny: Doug! Doug speak to me!

Fred: What's the matter with him? Something he ate?

Robert: No, he'll be okay. Good night Fred.


End file.
